Managing Expectations

Sometimes we defeat ourselves by our expectations.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t aim high and strive for the best. What I am saying is that there is nothing more discouraging than having unrealistic expectations.

Here’s an example.  Often times, as soon as their vows are said, young couples today expect to walk into a lifestyle that mirrors their parent’s—a lifestyle that took their parents years to acquire. This expectation has lead many into debt, and caused countless arguments and even divorce.

Going back in my own life I can see how my expectations as a young wife and mother were poorly managed.  I wanted that perfect family I saw on TV, where the mother was all dressed and happily serving her family a giant breakfast every morning.  I wanted happy, healthy kids who did well in school and who respected authority and who joyfully accepted my guidance. I wanted to remain interesting to my husband, keep my mind keen and challenged, as well as keep a clean and orderly home that my husband would be eager to return to every night.  

I was duped.  Unrealistic expectations had gotten the better of me. I had tried to mirror what I saw. Who can forget that well-dressed woman who, during a prime time commercial, held a frying pan and sang how she could “bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan” signifying how she worked at a demanding job all day and still maintain a home and family, and cooked great meals, and did it all with a smile.  To reinforce this picture, I had a lovely neighbor with twice as many children as I had who kept a perfect house, baked her own bread and consistently volunteered at school and her church.  Meanwhile, my house was generally messy, I hardly every baked bread, and did only a

little volunteering.  And though my days were full and busy I never quite felt I measured up.

Frustrated, I began seeing myself as a deficient homemaker, a malfunctioning Stepford Wife.  That was before wisdom took over and I began to understand that nobody can have it all; that life is a series of trade-offs and compromises and we must choose those things most important, then pursue them with gusto.  So I made peace with myself. I cooked breakfast in my robe. My house remained on the messy side. And I baked cookies only once a week, but I had a wonderful time raising my kids.  I enjoyed them and the many impromptu excursions my husband and I took with them. 

I know it’s a different age now, but people still allow unrealistic expectations to manage them.  With all our modern technology, technology meant to make life easier, we are busier than ever with seemingly not enough time for it all. And it’s a trap that can run you down and make you feel like a failure. The best way to combat this is to allow God to fill us with His expectations.  To allow Him to order our days and set our course. It will never get any better than that.

Until next week,

Sylvia